How to Manage a Stubborn, Defensive, or Defiant Employee Studies show thatsuppressing emotionscan have detrimental impacts. Well this person will vigorously defend their position and you do not need to give a free show to the rest of your employees. It ends up being smaller.". When and How to Respond to Microaggressions Listen to them with an ear to understand where they are coming from. }); if($('.container-footer').length > 1){
Connectedness: Connectedness can entail recognizing that you are not alone with your problem. A second option is to temporarily overlook their negative style while they adjust to any new circumstances. Your employees will appreciate your focus on their well-being. This is not constructive. Keep in mind the foundation of your approach is to have the employee take ownership of their performance and behaviors. Your instinct tells you. Reiterate your good intentions and let them know you want to hear what they have to say after they've taken a moment or a night to calm down. The process of writing reviews and delivering feedback takes a lot of time (especially if you do it thoughtfully) and can be particularly anxiety provoking if you have someone on your team who tends to have a difficult or negative emotional reaction to feedback. I'm here to help., If youre dealing with defensive coworkers, its important to at least consider there might be a real reason theyre being defensive. It can look different for everyonehowever, it generally involves adopting aggressive, dismissive or suspicious behaviors to distance oneself from the perceived threat to stay as emotionally and physically safe as possible. When feeling insecure during a conversation, try to stick to "I" statements instead of "you" statements, accept responsibility for your side of things, and avoid the blame game. I listen, I conduct one-on-ones, and I care about my team as individuals. You may intentionally choose coping strategies to handle difficult emotions and stressful situations. I also give them consistent feedback, since (as you know) that's. They will spend a great deal of time and energy (both of yours) defending their actions. As Castelda describes, "The defensive person is like Teflon it's never his responsibility and he attempts to shift the ownership of blame on someone else.". The divergent effects of employees' sense of power on constructive and Youre an idiot. Ideally, you should implement quarterly meetings, as well. For example, if a person says something you disagree with, and you make a sarcastic comment or criticize them for saying something to you, it may be a defensive response. Is this something you can address?. Licensed therapists can provide information about coping skills and a nonjudgmental space to try new ways of managing emotions. so others can also benefit from your solution. Plan to sit down with them to chat when you both have some time, this will not be a short conversation with a defensive employee. It will take a lot of disciple on your part as well as patience to ensure they hear you. Breath 2: Acknowledge your second reaction, but don't give in to it (which is usually to retaliate against the other person). Dealing with defensive coworkers or employees doesnt have a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, try saying something like, When you described [difficult problem the teams trying to solve] in the last meeting, a lot of us felt discouraged. She leads a training program on delivering difficult messages, certifying those who have exemplified a high level of skill in handling the toughest situations. Even ifthe two of youcome up with a potential solution to help the employee manage their behavior,this will be an active coaching effort on your part. There's no denying that performance review season can be a headache for managers. One of the most useful things you can do is stop trying to win and listen to the other person. Its easier to back track if their excuses start to contradict. Its not your role to be a therapist, though if you step back and understand this may be the case, your sensitivity and openness to helping increases and you may feel less frustrated. Guess what? He is also the author of "Unfinished Business: The Life & Times Of Danny Gatton," and holds a journalism degree from Michigan State University. On an individual level, defensiveness can be a career-limiting trait, especially for managers. What Is Superstitious Behavior & Can It Be A Problem? Here are four steps you can take to manage a team with an emotionally needy member. For example, maybe they used to be with a partner who critiqued their driving skills aggressively. Keep in mind that the employee is there to perform and its their responsibility to let you know what interferes as well as take responsibility to complete the task. The second reason is if there is a delicious-looking rodent wandering by, it will strike out to feed itselfoffensive behavior. I think Im a pretty good boss. Please purchase a SHRM membership before saving bookmarks. The conversation is not over until you are satisfied that the action plan reflects what you said the issue is. If you are feeling guilty about something and someone else brings up a . The No Fear Approach To Handling A Combative Employee At times, it may help to establish a goal at the beginning of a conversation. There are situations whereintellectualizationis appropriate but rationalization is not, yet all of these are beneficial when applied correctly. Describing problems using "I" statements highlighting your point of view could make feedback seem less accusatory than "you" statements. Facts are difficult to argue with but they will try. They might actively debate or ignore feedback, refuse to follow instructions, or create a constant stream of negative comments. When people talk defensively, it can be difficult to have a relationship with them. Thats fair. var temp_style = document.createElement('style');
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Mindfulness: Mindfulness may help you remain open to any difficult emotions you are experiencing at the moment without making them seem more significant than they are. Understanding Defensiveness As A Coping Skill | BetterHelp They may help you avoid uncomfortable feelings without actually fixing the problem. They will spend a great deal of time and energy (both of yours) defending their actions. This likely wont help. Similar is the situation with the people around us. Employees can have good performance,though their behaviors create tension for you and others on your team. Lastly, consider whether their resistance is appropriate. Address each excuse or problem by brainstorming together a way that they can overcome each issue. Indicate that itsvital for the team to work together and collaborate to come up with the best solution. How to Deal With a Defensive Employee When Addressing - Work An effective performance review isn't meant to change a worker's basic personality. This person has some issues taking criticism and being vulnerable. Remind yourself and your employee by saying things like, "I need to share this with you because I want you to be successful here" or "I want to see you keep growing. In addition, they may feel so overwhelmed trying to figure out how to improve this skill that they choose to respond defensively and ignore it. Is defensiveness a coping mechanism?What is defensive coping?Why are some people so defensive and how do you manage them?What is an example of defensive coping?Is defensiveness a learned behavior?Why do people respond defensively?What does defensiveness mean in communication?How do you respond to someone who is always defensive?How does defensiveness affect communication?How do you ask a question without being defensive?What is one defensive coping skill that can help deal with stress?What does a defensive personality mean?Why are people so defensive nowadays?How do you defend yourself without being defensive?What is the most common coping strategy? Addressing defensive behavior is difficult; there is no way around it, but your ability to recognize both the physical manifestation and the root of defensive behavior will leave you in the top echelon of communicators. Tell me, is there anything you think, could improve when it comes to communicating feedback to you?. We can help! You either want to fight back or avoid the person altogether. Find your center and prepare. They might actively debate or ignore feedback, refuse to follow instructions, or create a constant stream of negative comments. Instead, they perceive it as a full-fledged attack, triggering their fight-or-flight response. It is important to assure the employee of the unique attributes they offer to the workplace. We are essentially passing our judgment on to someone when we are utilizing inferences. You may acknowledge that you are in distress without being swept away by adverse reactions, this also serves to remind you that defensiveness may not solve the problem that you are facing. . There are mainly two types of employees; one who are open to feedback, and the other is a defensive employee. Why Some People Can Get So Defensive | Psychology Today Many people may not realize how much defensiveness negatively affects their relationships. Is there something that I can support you with? I listen, I conduct one-on-ones, and I care about my team as individuals. Defensive behavior can range from minor to severe, depending on the circumstances. Amy Jen Su is a co-founder and managing partner of Paravis Partners, a boutique executive coaching and leadership development firm. When someone is in a state of defensiveness, they are unlikely to process your critiques in a productive way. Updated 6/19/2020 Dear Candid Boss, What's the best job for you? Talk to the employee about the behaviors being unacceptable, but take care not to make any personal attacks on who the employee is as a person. Everyone can struggle with difficult emotions at some point in their lives, and many have made mistakes in dealing with them. We tend not to think deeply or creatively when survival is at stake. 4 Ways to Manage an Emotionally Needy Employee Only giving negative feedback will make their defensiveness worse because of the increased feeling of insecurity about their current position. When employees feel judged, they immediately become defensive and can argue and deny what we are saying. If there are workplace issues or another employee who is difficult for them, then its your job to ensure every person on your team is treated with respect and has the tools to do their job. For instance, when in a team meeting and there are others around and you disagree with them. Defensive behavior is when an employee detects a threat, like a critique of their work. Self-compassion may allow you to notice your emotions without judgment, so you can recognize them instead of pushing the problem away. Forbes: How To Deliver Tough Feedback To A Defensive Employee, The Management Center: How To Give Feedback To A Defensive Staff Member, The Muse: How To Give Good Feedback To A Defensive Employee. Be proactive in identifying and addressing issues as they arise, and maintain a positive and constructive approach. If they have. As an adult, however, using defensiveness as a coping skill may no longer serve you. On the other hand, perhaps you are not a defensive person, and you live or interact with defensive people. Be very specific about the behavior, when it was done and how it impacts others on the team. Let the employee know you care about their performance and their goals. Here's how employers and employees can successfully manage generative AI and other AI-powered systems. Any change in behavior has to be owned by the employee. Identify the Cause. They have likely experienced it themselves as co-workers, but they do not need to see how this individual speaks with their leader. When a partner is defensive, they may shift the blame instead of attempting to understand their partner's feelings or concerns. When dealing with defensive employees, make sure to assure them of their position and the skills they add to your team. In the case of a passive worker, he may accept whatever you say but not commit to any behavior changes, according to New Media Learning. Some of the hardest employees to manage are people who are consistently oppositional. Probe more deeply by asking questions to identify the root of the problem. Practicing skills like self-compassion and problem-solving might help you remain calm and pause any instinctive reactions. You benefit from considering if coworkers' passive-aggressive behavior results from them being upset about a valid issue. In order to build a healthy feedback loop you have to be direct, which I know can feel at odds when the issue is that a team member is sensitive. Or you might do something seemingly innocuous that triggers a negative emotion from your partner's previous relationship. Doing this will only trigger defensive behavior. Work on stylistic problems once theyve settled in and feel more familiar with the new expectations. You might be able to adjust their job responsibilities to leverage their strengths. 2023 Leaf Group Ltd. / Leaf Group Media, All Rights Reserved. Ralph Heibutzki's articles have appeared in the "All Music Guide," "Goldmine," "Guitar Player" and "Vintage Guitar." When giving your employee feedback, offer up positive thoughts about what they are doing well. If they have deep technical . Remember, a hard message doesn't have to come with a hard voice or tone. After collecting all of the reasons, start one by one and ask the employee how do you think we can solve this? The employee may be reluctant to come up with an answer, but your role is to keep asking the same question indicating tothe employeethat the two of you are here to work together to solve the problem for the employee. They may need help eliminating defensive behaviors that previously served them but do not anymore. A defensive employee is not necessarily a bad employee. Training Live + Online has a 3-session course starting on August 9. Shutterstock Dear Kevin, I think I'm a pretty good boss. Defensive Behavior in Organizations: A Preliminary Model If you have feedback that may be perceived as critical, you may get some push back. Im concerned that you are not accepting responsibility for your piece in this.. If you have noticed defensiveness in your relationships, it might be necessary to talk to the person about low stakes conflicts you've had and attempt to start a conversation around your feelings without attacking them. Even, suggest a book they could read. Handle reactions in the moment. There's no denying that performance review season can be a headache for managers. Tell me, is there anything you think I could improve when it comes to communicating feedback to you?, If this still solicits a defensive or emotional response, then cut the discussion short for another day.