Our daughter's college graduation day he turned all the attention to himself. I tried to warn her and let her know that she will have the same sad wave of destruction come upon her. Television, radio, and internet reports can quickly and virally spread the coverageand risks of emotional traumaacross the world. You spend all your time weighing the good against the bad and in an odd way blaming yourself for not thinking they are totally wonderful. Love and blessings to you all, and I believe we will all come through our personal hell in our own time. (and my first granddaughter due in October:) I am trying to make this final break in order to regain some of my dignity and strength. Fortunately, I am not in a love relationship with a narcissist. This epidemic of Narcissistic men INVADING undiscerning women's lives is CRIMINAL! I say to myself - I can chose this and keep arguing or I can chose peace, and keep silent.Thanks for sharing your insights with us. My family just thinks I choose to be naive. Childhood trauma often refers to traumas experienced in the family of origin during the formative years of our development. I just became aware of this condition. So my ex nar was with his new gf and tried to gt her to commit and played the whole nice guy thing but she ended up doing the same exact thing to him that he did to me. So sadbest of luck to all who have crossed paths with a sociopath. And I will leave it at that. He earns a good living and is a secure man. All they could do was spread rumors and lying. On New Years Eve he phoned me and told me that he missed me and loved me. I went for a long walk hoping to walk off the agony. Can anyone tell me what the difference is between "N" and boarder line personality disorder? But other times we had some serious falling out, but never violent and always I remained commited to loving her becasue I wanted my marriage to be a fairy tale one, but it just was not for me. He is violent but calls the police when he's beaten me? I am mid-career and questioning everything about myself, even though I know it is HER. I am unhappy at home and have begun to hate my life - all the while feelng trapped and guilty for feeling like I am failing at my job. I realise I have post traumatic stress disorder and so even after leaving the N it is not the end of the journey because they are still inside you. it was confusing for so long i didnt understand how there could be so much love and hate coming from one person. I am free to come and go all I like. My friend was eventually emotionally beaten down, and then the ex started attacking me and I just felt powerless. Stages of Recovery after Narcissist Abuse I took myself out of the picture, looked on the situation as an observer and realised that if I was looking at someone else in the same situation I would think it ludicrous. I have now made up my mind to leave her, though to be honest, I am still struggling tremendously with it. But honestly, he was definitely narcissistic. Nightmare. I am so very thankful to all of you who have taken the time to write of your literaly, Life Threatening experiences. I was raised in a family that mom was narcissistic and dad was an alcoholic. I love him immenseley and I believe he loves me, but this demon comes out when he's drunk. I truly loved this N and he threw our daughter and i away like we were crap with no remorse..IT will take me a long time to recover but I know i will and I know my daughter and I will be better for it and only great things are in my future..He will get his for what comes around goes around. I'd never loved someone so much, in retrospect the love I got back was my love for her reflected! There's nothing wrong with protecting your emotions and your mind by limiting how much you choose to give away. !My sons are grown 21 and 28, they both have been effected by him ,my 21 years old isolates himself away from him, they actually figured it out before I did, that there was something VERY WRONG with him.I always take the blame for his lies,responsibilties, you name it.I was trying to ssave him from somthing I have no control over. I have 4 wonderful dauhgters, 2 still at home with me. He has moved out and I am slowly picking up my threads - but I have been wrung dry. I really dont give a shit abt these people. Her father intervened for my own protection. clearly was an inconvenience. My journey helped me remember some early childhood abuse I had blocked out and explained why there have been a succession of relationships with narcissists in my life. Long story short is that we continued this "communication" on and off throughout the school year. He would never take me to her nieces soccer games, or to her house to visit the dog, because I would make everyone uncomfortable. We've been separated for 6 years, will be starting 7 years in about 10 days. I was discarded like rubbish and gave my heart and soul. In 1998, the ten-year-old child, Natascha Kampusch, was abducted on her way to school. It's a case of never being able to reason with him, and never being able to win an argument with him.It's a case of he's always right even when he's so completely all wet that it would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.If these things sound familiar, then you are dealing with a true narcissist. I got angry, I apologised and hung up as I was in tears and could not deal with my emotion. The abused becomes the abuser. As if she is on this whole revenge mission against him. You can do this. I'm sorry for blabbing on it just feels so good to be able to say this as of course i could never to him. Respect can only be achieved, never demanded.I agree to a divorce subject to a cooling off period of 6 months and that I get sole custody of the children until such day that you can show a letter from a certified psychologist that youre are undergoing treatment for your feelings of always feeling the need to be appreciated and loved; for your lack of empathy towards your loved and near ones and to understand reality and the consequences of your actions, that this treatment is showing signs of improvement in the appreciation of yourself. Hi,Finally I figured out something in my life. I went No Contact a week ago. So many years of wondering why she paid no attention to me, coming away from a visit feeling as if there had been no real conversation, wondering why she blames me for everything wrong, and wondering just what was wrong. Exercise Self-Care. Wow - what a breath of fresh air to find this site with the 10 tips and all the stories of other similar people. Well all I wish for her is nothing but NOTHING!!! On a positive side, I am glad that I met this person, well Im not actually sure this person should be called a person, but never mind. * She disliked the way I eat, and told me that she was disgusted and had to look away, and told me I have to learn how to use the fork properly. Thank you for this advice. Gifts, flowers, etc etc. How we respond to these triggers is purely individual. I'm sure part of the reason he was so adamant of keeping me was he looked at me as younger arm candy (which is total red flags of a N) Like i sad in the begging it saddens me to know the chances now of this relationship working out but at the same time, what a relief of figuring out what i am dealing with. I keep all e-mails, record all SMS messages, letters, phone calls etc etc. Look up the lyrics. Could I trust him? Maybe this will help me separate myself from it all. If she has inroads into our lives through shared info with her she exploits it to the maximum, I've learnt the hard way to be vague with her and change the subject and be as discreet as poss. All of my emails are labeled 'past' that helps too:)Positive projection to our new future!!! He replied inappropriately, and she said that she had "learnt her lesson".She NEVER contacts me first, or calls me first. I am sorry for the times I put my brother ahead of my husband and children. Yes, it was and is hard to change. I told him instead of comforting him that karma is a witch lol so I guess he met his match,another narcissist. It would be pleasant to see thee own life crumble as she always self-destruct but I just want to forget and feel indifferent again. You control the situation by how you REACT to it. I've shared this link with my friends so they understand as well. A trauma bond is an intense emotional attachment formed between a perpetrator of abuse and the victim. I am just looking for answers. Individuals who are suffering from narcissistic trauma may find themselves with a high level of mistrust, hopelessness about the future, and a significant loss of self-esteem and sense of who they are as a person. That's where your own instincts and trust of those instincts come in. I have decided that i will not speak to him until i have healed. I cry every day and now have resorted to drinking just so my mind isn't always on him. I have been searching the Internet for weeks trying to get advice on how to handle a N and at last I found this. He acted like this woman was so much better than me. Very sad. If you have read much of this site, you will see that it deals exclusively and specifically with the dynamics, effects and recovery from encounters with the personality disordered or traits, especially narcissists and psychopaths. What I hope will happen is that I get to the part where I feel the pride of changing rather than feeling like I lost out on a possible union with a N-male. My fiance bought me a gold necklace for christmas and she promptly got my father to buy an identical one - but just a bit thicker and more expensive looking. I was expected to write my own (forged) notes to justify cutting classes, because "Well, what do you want me to write?!! So i stroked his head like a puppy before i dissappeared. The information would also be relevant for therapists who are assisting in survivors healing from these traumas. It was so difficult to finally realize that someone who is so charming and smart could be so vacant. Trauma. In the past she has been a serial flirter and date-site user, so anything is possible. I am ready to move forward and let go and don't look back only to visualize a lesson learned. Coping. This is a classic sign, and a warning to all those out there still under the "spell" of the Narc.I have caught her out on numerous occasions in bold-faced lies, especially with regard to flirting with guys.dating sites, email, secret meetingsetc. I know that I own my own pain and hurt. I no longer met her friends with her (we used to all get on well).I was no longer invited to the parties. Not only am I running my own business, but I took a second job (37 hours/week), working for someone else to supplement our income.