If it was because it would be too hard emotionally, I would say 'I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye' or 'I couldn't face saying goodbye' or something along those lines. 2. I've texted him once a day the first four days or so, then once a week or so since then (it's now been six weeks). People have to start taking ownership of situations theyre involved in. I told him that all we needed to do to fix things was to get to know each other again- he had closed me off so much, he didn't even know where I worked or what my grad school dissertation topic was! I don't want to think that the man I love the most is like that. i say dont contact her again if she contacts u ever again wait two days then write i cant let someone like u hurt me again. It's certainly not the normal way to end things. We are either completely in love with each other and can't stop or we are fighting. Doesnt respond to your text that requires an answer/response. The raw hurtful emotions and pain you are feeling following your partner's decision to break up with you has left you in a conflicted state. He is not special - he did not love you more than anyone will. He never came right out and said Hey I already have a partner, sorry. or I am not attracted to you, sorry. Any excuse would have been better than intermittent annoying breadcrumbs for 2 years. Let's say someone contacts a lost love to make an apology (it's usually the man) for treating her badly when they were young, even though he loved her. Itll be interpreted as you having an independent life. New research explores how posting about your relationship may protect it. if u cant even write that then i say dont write anything i actually think u shouldnt write anythign and ignore her. I am in the same situation and impose NC . All you asked for was closure some kind of acknowledgment and support, so its not like you annoyed your ex 24/7 and refused to let go. May 27, 2021 HBR Staff/Getty Images/LaylaBird/filo Summary. but he left the door open in case you came begging or for he wants to reel you back in when he gets lonely again WOW. 4 Stages of Adult Development: Where Are You? If you sent a closure text to your ex but got no response, your ex doesnt see the pain youre going through or doesnt care about it. It was agonizing. Currently, shes not thinking much. The next morning was complete silence. by Holly Riordan May 12, 2023 iStock/ilkermetinkursova When a guy's not answering your texts, it's hard not to take it personally. I have a much better life without him now. I'll say goodbye and wish you all the best. Even after 8 months of being pushed away, I maintained that I wanted to be with my ex until the end-- he was stunned by this. Later this night she responded and she wa. I have sent a closure text to your ex but he said we will talk about everything so in a way I never got a response, my ex def didnt see the pain I was going through or didnt care at all about it. He viewed civilized discussions (no yelling, no nothing) as HEATED arguments. Not only do you need to be willing to change (i.e. And lastly, if you want to sign up for relationship or breakup coaching, visit our coaching page for more info. Plenty of people break up and get back together (Kate Middleton and Prince William even did it! He's online but not responding to your messages, so what gives? I think he knew that for it to really happen and stick, it was going to have to be cruely. listen if she responds it means she cared for u. if its not the response u wanted well it means shes done and wants nothing to do with you. Your boyfriend. Sorry, but you can't pull off a surprise without being a little sneaky. . if this is the case i say wait a week if its not the response u wanted or no response then vanish from her life. Hope you are well and that you're having a great weekend. Its the polite thing to do. >. Do what I'm doing. We all share a common thread-we were all involved with weak and sometimes emotionally selfish individuals. The True Reasons Guys Don't Text Back (And What to Do When He Doesn't) It will take time, but if you do the things you love and surround yourself with your friends and family, youll soon forget that your ex didnt respond to your closure text. Maybe my story and others advise with keep me on the right path and help others as they come accross this thread just as I have. What To Say If Someone Breaks Up With You Over Text, As - Elite Daily According to dating experts when he doesn't text back promptly, or when she totally ignores your message, the first step is to recognize that their silence might have absolutely nothing to do. I had an incredible time with both guys, and it dawned on me: these guys are kinder, smarter, more secure, hotter, more successful, interesting, and emotionally stable than my ex And they're pursing me while my ex won't give me the time of day. You were acting like an abuse victim - and all abusers cannot allow you to react to abuse normally. I sent my ex a goodbye letter. It will take me some time to condense it but I am sure you will find it fascinating and will probably feel much better about yourself afterwards. A Personal Perspective: Valuable lessons to learn during a pivotal decade. I truly hope everyone is doing well. This is not your faultthe only blame you can take for this is falling for someone who is incapable of loving you the way that you deserve to be loved. The reason he wanted to be a penpal is because he was already with someone, and just wanted validation that he was still attractive. Good luck! If they are resolved does he then do what he says he is going to do? I made a mistake of sending my ex boyfriend's mom a letter. Im just feeling very used and confused. Sending a wall of closure text out of the blue was probably overwhelming. You want to give your ex adequate time to respond on their own, after all. His or her behavior is toxic to you. Especially as he has not given a time to talk, gain closure or work it out maturely when is head is 'unclear', again. is that EX dumped me Saturday night. Your email address will not be published. We knew we weren't right for each other and so we would decide it was best to part ways even though neither of us really wanted to. Hes helping you see that moving forward is your only option. Was in a relationship with a guy for two years and we got in a fight and now he won't respond to me. It couldn't be more mind boggling to me. It's not to bring her back in my life, never take her back guys if she dumped you once. My boyfriend and I got in a fight and now he won't show affection. October 13, 2021 by Zan. The only way for you to "win" in this scenario is to lay out all the cards on the table-- tell him you love him, etc. listen if she responds it means she cared for u. if its not the response u wanted well it means shes done and wants nothing to do with you. They crave for sweet talk and obsessed with being with a "fantasy girlfriend" someone who can get naked and keep her mouth shut. My inability to believe there are people who actually do this. New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations [NSPPD] || 6th July 2023 We talked for hours, some good some bad. Actions speak louder than words. Believe me when I say - I think he realised that you were no push over and stood your ground to have your own opinion and in his world this means "fight" instead of 'explore' and 'discuss'. Thats not respect. So when you start feeling bad about the whole thing, just remember that he was so cowardly that he had to dump you via e-mail. Just say . I didn't have the strength to cut him off because he used being a vet (played the PTSD card) conveniently. She didnt realize your worth yet, hence why she left again. He said that he had no desire to, because it wasn't fun speaking to me anymore because all of our conversations lately were too emotional. I did genuinely want to get to know him better but clearly I'm not a priority at all for him (whether that's because he likes other people more or his life is too hectic). If you ask me, their understanding of right and wrong is totally false as they believe they have the right to be happy and free no matter what. The thought of speaking with you makes your ex feel uneasy, so your ex does the only thing his or her level of self-awareness (emotional maturity) allows your ex to do. What better way to make someone feel insignificant? He Sucks at Texting. In the last 10 months, my walls were always down, yet his were always up And he decimated me each time we interacted during that time. At the moment your ex doesn't want you but doesn't want to hurt you're feelings. Finally someone has unpacked what self awareness means! Your initial impression was correct: he is a looooooser. Was it was because you had a feeling, thought or boundary or needed a behaviour from him to make you safe/heard/secure and this made him mad? What baffles me is that people who treat others poorly often consider themselves to be mature, responsible, and even caring. So even though you think your ex could help you get closure, bear in mind that your ex isnt the kind of person who helps the people he or she dumps. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Im ready to move on. As your ex is right now, your ex is of no use to you. Thanks for all your answers thus far everyone (but feel free to give more!) The last time we spoke was a couple of days after I missed my med school boards. he didn t respond to my goodbye text They view us as a "problem" and if they just ignore it, it will "go away" asap And when we don't, it really throws them for a loop. If thats being unsupportive of your mans career, then I dont want to be supportive. Just because a relationship ended, doesn't mean it's ended for good. Then consider why it is you want to talk to you ex in the first place. Don't Embarrass YourselfIf He's Ignoring Your Texts, Move On move on its hard but least u wont end up so hurt like now in the future. I am tired of fighting." Because your ex didnt have the tools to express himself or herself in ways that could have fixed the issues, your ex got more and more bitter over time and concluded the relationship wasnt making him or her happy. Sometimes, I get the sense that my ex can't see outside of his own pain and suffering. You can do so by scheduling a time to talk on the phone, or even . 3. Really at this time i have nothing to say so I just keeping quiet. | This indicates you either never argue with him again or put up with the silent treatment everytime a conflict arises he cannot 'deal' maturely with. It might feel awkward or uncomfortable, but at least now you know where you stand with your ex, and you can delete their number without any regrets. All rights reserved. Am I texting him too much? and B. as proof that we couldn't work - read- (he didn't want to stop the hurtful behaviour). I figured, there must be something inherently wrong with me to warrant that sort of behaviorI must be the worst girlfriend imaginable. If anything his cowardly email is pathetic. 3. She's always saying she's busy but it's getting old. She thinks that staying alone is better than being with someone she doesnt feel happy with. Finally. You may not have done much to bother your ex, but thats the category your ex places you into because the breakup made your ex lose respect and triggered an overwhelming longing for space and independence. It was perfect, until he started getting really depressed. I will be back - in the mean time be very very glad you did not marry this man. And what makes your ex comfortable are things that push you away and allow your ex to stay in control of his or her life. Im am a 33 year old man that has no children but my ex has four boys that I love and cherish after spending the last 3 1/2 years with. Hopefully it will happen sooner for you-- life is too short to be attached to someone who's made it clear that their heart is not in it. In the physical world, people could go to jail for causing bodily harm. The huge upward shift in my thinking occurred because this week, Ive gone out with the Bachelor contestant and the guy I've been getting to know for 8 months. I'd hate to think that my ex was emotionally abusive. I was too busy being the Good Samaritan who was emotionally supportive of everyone but myself. Lol, but am not ruling out the possibility of the other answers either. He is, exactly as he said, literally tired of fighting. Self awareness equals emotional maturity. Hence the tantrams, lol. In other words, they run away without taking any responsibility. *sigh* I hope that helps. Theres not much point in saying this now, but you should have avoided asking your ex for closure because bad responses or no responses cause more harm than not having all the answers you need. If you let him do this - his behaviour and what you show you are willing to accept will get worse over time. It's messed up that our exes would do that, but they're weak and we deserve more. Believe me is he saw you do this and knew he could get away with it - he would. They don't want to have to see our reaction to the break-up, so they want to avoid that difficult conversation all together. I haven't cried since Wednesday; a record. Please learn from my mistake- don't torture yourself in limbo like I did. 1. I hope you recover quickly and meet someone more loyal when youre ready. She's more distant now and also busy. It was one of those "don't contact me, I'll contact you" scenarios. Sure, totally. I am in the same situation I said some things to my guy and he too is not speaking to me. Starla- cut your loses. But you should be able to get to the truth by remembering how your ex acted around you and what you did to fix things. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 Thanks again for your insight. Perhaps he never feel interested in you from the very first. Why Some Couples Feel the Need to Show Off Their Relationships, A Common Online Dating Practice That Never Works Out. After we broke up I went strict NC for 2 months. Everyone's stories and advise has given me more strength. Feeling lost, its affected my perception of my own self worth. Your ex might want to give you closure months later after your ex has stopped feeling overwhelmed, but when that happens, you probably wont need closure anymore. They don't care about our closure; all they care about is their own suffering. Although your emotions occur because of your interpretation of your surroundings, that isnt to say that others cant affect you. I ended up writing him a final email saying that I am not his doormat and that he was a coward for not having the guts to end the relationship with me. You cant solve things on your own. I hope you are doing better. The reason he changed his number probably has something to do with his way of dealing (or rather avoiding) difficult emotions. There was no response. Thank you for sharing it with me! I can't help but think about when that might happen and what might happen when it does. Great. Does that mean you are rejected? Try to avoid staring at your phone and obsessing about if and when youll get a reply, and go and spend time on yourself and cultivating new relationships.". It's been so hard for me to digest because I've given 110% to him. If you ever find yourself wondering, Why has my ex ignored my text? and even more importantly, What do I do now? then Ive got you covered. When you say something like you miss him, he should be happy and all out, yet he didn't respond instead? Ive redirected that energy into myself. Getting dumped by e-mail by my fiance of 5 years sent a clear message that I wasn't even worthy of a face-to-face conversation. Believe me when I say - I think he realised that you were no push over and stood your ground to have your own opinion and in his world this means "fight" instead of 'explore' and 'discuss'. And if your ex couldnt give it to you or did give it to you but you needed more information, then you should have texted your ex first and found out if your ex even wanted to talk about the breakup. He walked away scott free. I've texted him once a day the first four days or so, then once a week or so since then (it's now been six weeks).". ago. I've texted him once a day the first four days or so, then once a week or so since then (it's now been six weeks). I'd leave him alone and don't message him or blow up your phone. By entering this site you declare She realizes that her depression was actually disguised anger (women often turn anger inward and experience anger as depression). The right person wouldnt refuse to help you when you need help the most. admit you're an emotionally messed up manchild), but you need to also be able to have the time and resources to really focus on improving. but he left the door open in case you came begging or for he wants to reel you back in when he gets lonely again. If he finally shoots you a text, it might mean he really didn't know what to say. Saffron: Ouch, but you are probably right. 10 Texts To Send To Someone Who's Ignoring You - Bustle So, since you have experience with this, what is your take on this email -------- Lol. It just never stuck before. A high-value person would recognize that youre struggling with the breakup and do something about your lack of understanding or acceptance of the situation. It made your ex associate unhealthy thoughts and emotions with you and stopped your ex from seeing and acknowledging the things you did well in the relationship. writing a letter well thats fine however if shes kinda **** off or annoyed of u then am not sure if she will even read it. Their emotional maturity is not high enough for them to understand why their ex reached out and what their responsibilities as dumpers and human beings are. My Long Distance Girlfriend won't video call with me. So now he says to his family that I held him back. After almost 4 months since the breakup, and our online convos not rally going anyway and in fact she seems to be getting more distant, I took the last resort and sent a handwritten, long letter that told her how I feel. It took 9 weeks of NC, but I got there. HeTexted - All rights reserved by Algra L.L.C. Thanks for checking in on me and I'm so so excited about your new guy!!! I think it's a combination of both. So now he can tell everyone that he left me because I was sleeping with someone else. Ive met some very strong people and I dont think any of them are capable of not caring about what others say and do. We had plans to go away for the weekend and a few days before he just disappeared. They avoid confrontation because they can't cope. I just want to say thank you for this post. Once I started accepting the situation at face-value (I was not wanted for the time being), my life turned around for the best. All I was guilty of was asking him to work on his depression/anxiety before we made wedding plans Is that so wrong? You have to understand that dumpers arent a selfless charity. Thats not love. listen man u begging her or what not is not going to bring her back to you. Starla- please don't allow this to consume you any more. Or, people do not respond because they do not have leftover feelings for their ex-sweethearts; they don't want to hurt the person, but they have nothing to say to him/her and may even think it is strange that this person is writing to them. Although your ex can help you find closure, your ex cant help you get over him or her. and he never responded. Are the fights because he gets angry when you have a 'feeling', 'opinion' or 'view' that you are trying to get him to validate or understand? I have decided to just live life ..not looking for a replacement but i am not sitting with the phone connected to my ear either. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. 3) Send a casual text. If their ex treated them poorly during or after the breakup, reaching out to talk about the reasons the relationship ended would be absurd as theyd most likely get ignored or receive a response they arent ready to receive. Baby mama drama, How to get my ex back if she said she won't change her mind. can i say something why r u waiting for her to humiliate u further man. Should I ask her about it or give more time? If so, that might be a clear message to stay away. Don't waste your time on someone that doesn't waste their time on you. Some people have strong defense mechanisms and are good at hiding emotions, but they still get negatively influenced by the outside world. I've had so much trouble digesting this because HE was the one who proposed Then he pushed me away after I got sick. If the first text doesnt get a response, then sending one a day or two later will be fine.". I said, "You know how you've said in this process that you don't worry about hurting my feelings because I always 'bounce back'? After a bad breakup, its possible your ex doesnt want to get back into a texting exchange. So, he said yes, and we stayed together for another three hours just talking about stuff. Thank you Zan for breaking this down for us, straightforwardly. You cant blame others for how you feel.. You are so good Zan, in every new article. This is a form of abuse. Its that simple. Depending on how things ended, you might even feel comfortable shooting your ex a text sometime as long as youre comfortable with the possibility they may not reply. No contact. and trust me its better for you that he isnt taking out any anger on you and dealing with it alone. They helped me a lot and give some positive self-justification when I needed to see, I didnt deserve the treatment Ive got, but I can stand up from it. Again, I don't think he did this with malice (he truly is a great guy), but depression is a monster that needs to be tamed. He quickly apologized that night and said he only wanted me and reassured me that it was not intentional. Terms of Service. #2. Answer (1 of 4): The one simple answer is YES I made this mistake with my crush. Keep your self esteem high and don't think you did anything wrong. I didn't force him to get down on one knee. I'm finally realizing that it wasn't me- it was him And I feel like an idiot for taking so much of the blame in the break-up. Silent treatment and shutting down will see a long line of conflicts never resolved. Below, people share their thoughts on what to say instead of ghosting.