my boyfriend thinks i will never leave himmy boyfriend thinks i will never leave him

Everyday talk is dying in the relationship. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. I couldnt confide in friends because he would call them and cry, saying he was worried about me and thought I was depressed, and had I said anything to them? Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? He puts everyone before me. But the way he does it is the issue here. An outside perspective is always helpful. We've been good so far but now I feel the same way again and told him that I want to break up. Mainly, the memory, the countless memories of the abusive things he's said to me rear up and try to convince me that his remembered voice is my own. And I didnt let him trick me in to moving back in either, as he knew how to work me over with words.. but i knew deep down that if I went back itd only b worse! The new man too advantage of me - sexually, twice. I am his punching bag. #1 They Don't Make Time Spending time with each other is a crucial aspect of marriage. You are the one who walked off after sex and refused his subsequent weekend invitations as you found them disrespectful. 7 Tell-Tale Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband I feel like I put out a flame one day and four more pop up the next. You might also not want to block your ex simply because you have an overview of his timeline this way. Since I am not a licensed professional, I cannot say what's abuse and what is not, but I would encourage you to keeping reading the blogs and articles on Healthy Place and work with a medical professional to decide your next steps. Thank you for your comment. BUT I did find a place to go and I did get the courage to leave was it easy after married 14 years but together 17 all together, HELL NO IT WAS NOT EASY!! Much later, I turned away and left the house for a while which eventually led to increased physical violence and leaving forever. 1. He has a dead end office job (but he loves it), very little family whom he barely speaks to, no friends he hangs out with, and nothing ever really happens to him either good or bad. But the names continued for over 30 years. I've tried telling him repeatedly that I'm very happy with him and he just grunts and says, "for now I guess". Of course, people break up for different reasons, but your relationship was just awful and there was no future for the two of you. He simply cant believe that youre out there, having the time of your life, while hes sitting at home completely alone and down. So I've blocked him yes. I'm confused. I mentally cant. He does this in front of my college age kids (his step kids) He hears things he wants to hear and tunes the rest out and then makes up in his head things I said and my tone of voice and says i was yelling when i dont even raise my voice. You know that this might be the very obvious cause for him not leaving you alone. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially" for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. I then went to 4 different liquor stores to get his favorite bottle of wine. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have my faults, I know I do, and I have even admitted them to him. The list is lengthy of all the abuse but it's never been name calling (to my face). You don't know how to please a man! Focus your attention on your hobbies, friends, family, needs, and passions. After we found it. That's what he would do he would go somewhere a d then later claim that he knew I was messing with someone while he was gone. He is proving to you that he is escalating his abusiveness by trying to isolate you from your friends, being controlling, and invading your privacy by going through your phone. I could never understand his reasonings because its always thag I deserved it. My stomach is literally upset right now after digesting the utter contempt and hatred some people spew on a daily basis. Oh, wait - I forgot - you can't get a job because you're a stupid sh!t. Absorbed Stage: Due to the consuming nature of infatuation, it can be hard to spot red flags of an obsessive relationship during courtship. Its getting out of hand. He deserve a father who thinks the world of him. I recently lost my job so it's been nice to have someone who can text during the day and I enjoy having the attention because my boyfriend recently got a job and is gone from 12 to 11 and can't talk. Idk maybe I am making too many assumptions. Take you out for your best birthday ever and then wind up berating you on the way home for not appreciating their efforts enough. What he can do is discipline his child and build relationship if and when they are together. Never feel it is you who needs help as he wants you to feel insecure, lower your self esteem, make you feel worthless to make him feel better and in control. again no matter what i say is not good enough. Sometimes my abuser's words hurt when he jabs and attempts to provoke me on the phone. He also knows that youre an easy bet. At least, he wont leave you alone until the moment you make this decision. If i say i wanted to, he states i'm disgusting, fat, etc. He had been using me when she threw him out. A man whos prepared to manipulate you into believing any of this isnt a man you want to be with for sure. I have told him about two times how I need to know in advance if he can meet. We live in another state but I am afraid I willnever truly be rid of him. Tell the neighbourhood to help themselves! Try again I by Anonymous (not verified). In reply to I believe most women, not by Anonymous (not verified), Dear Naomi, your comment " I believe most women, not all, who are with abusive men like myself are truly good hearted, extremely strong, and the most giving women around and most know that no one else can love such a man but yet at the same time we unrealistically think that maybe he will change with our endless extraordinary efforts" really struck a chord in me because I have always believed that to be true. "Quit your whining and crying. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck OP, you sound exactly like me! Put it on and I did because thats my love of course I will. Add your answer to this question! Women cant win. But the moment he gets slightly mad, I can either ignore it and not have a say. Exactly this. I shouldn't, because he yanked my hair on numerous occasions, he pinched my legs while driving on the free way, and he even rammed my head between the seat and windows of the car. You may find it annoying, but hes desperate. He knows that he probably blew his one chance to become the love of your life. One Word That Will Make You Realize He's Not The One He just knows that at one moment he wants you and in the next, he cant run away fast enough. OMG, I was trembling with fear. We've been together for 5 months. It takes time, have patience with yourself. We've talked about how we wish we could get back to how things were, and when I try to have fun with him or be sweet, he just says i'm annoying, or to just stop. My boyfriend thinks he has me in the palm of his hand and I will never I can feel how you live everyday with this, I hope you loved yourself and the kids more than consider living with him the rest of your life! You said yu can work, you have a job - just pack up and go rent a tiny flat on your own and spend all the time with YOU learning to love yourself. The logical response would be "How about [date in advance]. Thank you. reader, Red Sensation+, writes (20 September 2009): A It hurts to see I love him so much and he doesnt feel the same anymore. Thats why I said as of right now I cant leave because I know Ill come back. I mean this ia nuat the beginning he has said everything you can say to hurt me and i love him very much 6 years and two beautiful boys but i cant take it anymore so im super depressed and dont knkw what to do with myself ..he has torn me apart . And, she stopped right there. You are at different life stages. 2023 HealthyPlace Inc. All Rights Reserved. I was 18 and he was 24. However, I should have known this was going to be bad.I went back to collect my car and he was waiting for me. I am afraid he will kill a woman someday. If you're still living in this nonsense, learn about detachment and how it can benefit you. Anyways once my dad died I saw another person one who acted like I was worthless. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It's important to remember that physical abuse isn't the only kind of abuse. I feel like Im rambling but please understand a lot has happened in a year, neither of us has been a perfect partner but I thought we were at the point where we both felt like we were eachothers one and if there was a difficulty wed talk it out and work on it to get past it. Every time, everything is my fault and he has only acted in this way because of me. At first he told me that I was a joke to my now husband. You don't have to go it alone, and you don't deserve to live in fear. He also expects me to read his mind when he wants me to do something "after all these years of marriage, you still don't know what I want from you" (his words right from his playbook). I do not know if I am being emotionally abused or not. He has emotionally cheated on me with his ex wife. That isnt a one night stand if he wants to meet again. For more information, please see our Tell him openly what you think of his childish behavior and let that be it. Hes doing it for himself. Example a lighter he dropped on the ground it was my fault. On the ground crying getting called names, or gotten dragged, or even had to lick (floor, feet, toilet,) or sit in a corner till he says to stop. If like mine, it sneaks out REAL slow and would always apologize. Why Narcissists and Abusers Won't Let Go and What You Can Do I have been the fixer and referee for years, hoping to keep stability within the family. I think this just means that I should never be in a relationship and I'm just going to die alone because I just feel like everyone who shows . If you dont own your happiness and completely kick him out of your life, then the vicious cycle will only repeat itself. Leave. In fact a few weeks ago, he told me that he liked me better when I'm drunk. I left and went back to London taking a bus through france.. the whole time without sleep and in shock. But he doesnt seem to stop his little games. He tells me that I don't have my own opinions about things but when I try to form my own opinions, he tells me that they are wrong and that I should listen to his opinions only. He wants to get another job in would move me from my family. Hes angry at himself, he wants a second chance, and he knows youre ready to give it to him. Im confused, he tells me to stfu and do what he wants me to do. Wives of covert narcissist husbands often end up feeling "done to" before these same wives gradually withdraw sexually. Please know that you are not worthless. We are also too forgiving and understanding. I am in my 30s and recently slept with a man in his mid twenties. Shortly after our wedding he started calling me names. He needs that affirmation and he wont leave you alone until that need is covered. A romantic narcissist is in love with the idea of being part of a "perfect" couple. My boyfriend lives a very calm and drama free life. This is quite a normal response when you break up with a partner. I was blamed because apparently I was a sl/% and sucking c&*^ all night when in actual fact a woman let me stay at her place because the cops advised me to do this. He hates my sister because she confronted him how he treats me. I wish you luck on your healing journey. ", "I must be the first a$$hole to love you. For now, take a break and go out dancing with some GFs. He began over a perceived slight and then said we could have avoided all this if I supported him as a wife should. Because every relationship does become a habit at one point or another. His rants went on for hours, and then he would stop and start over again, as if he had rewound and replayed the tape. I am on this website, this day (21st of June 2021) because i feel lost and want to know if there are some things i can validate my feelings. He, as a grad school student of that age, is unlikely to want a 30 year old girlfriend who already has a child. Have you broken up more than once already? A narcissist will never stop unless hes found another victim. APA ReferenceJo, K. Right now, at this moment, he came into our room and asked me "what is that laundry on the bed?" Yes you have been horribly abused. ", "Why do you care what I want for dinner? It's not limited to my own abusive relationship. I stay in this toxic relationship for them. If he's checked out of the relationship, then it's not going to work out. And if I continue nagging him, we will argue and thats the same process happing again. This sounds like quite an obvious one, but youd be surprised by how many people arent able to communicate their feelings properly. Yes, one of the most common reasons why he wont leave you alone is because hes just bored. Your life and if the children are hearing this form of behaviour they pick up on things it is NOT a two way happy relationship from what you are explaining. My boyfriends friend thinks that this is a bad idea?He does have positive qualities though he asks me before he does things (going out and drinking with friends and girls) and has no problem if I would rather him not go. How do I convince him that I love everything about our relationship and who he is? We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I was bruised. I was going to come back and pick it up after I got home. Three years ago, she took me out for my "best birthday ever" and to this day berates me about it, let's say, on a monthly basis. He's pretty routine.I could tell you exactly what he is doing any minute of the day without hesitation. Because I wont allow him to walk out the door. Id marry him tomorrow despite any flaws he may have but I know if he could he would change a lot about me. I said, "Okay. Its been 16 years since I left, but I am still not over the damage. Im not eating or sleeping and Im about to the point of relapse after being clean for almost 13 years so hes really done a number on me this time. pray for me. as I still dont care if I live or die.. After reading many of these comments, there are so many who dont know if their partner is abusive.Im one of those after being told my partners behaviours are abusive.I was in a 25 year relationship with my kids dad, I was physically abused many times, raped, controlled and verbally abused often.I finally got the strength to leave, having my life threatened if I did, and told Id never see my kids.My daughters grown and moved out, my son refuses to see his dad point blank.I was alone for 3 years before meeting who I thought was the kindest most caring man.The last year, Ive received mostly silent treatment, for weeks at times, anytime I say Im not happy about something, he is moody and will ignore me instead of talking things through.I give, give, give and he takes all the time.He never apologised if he is in the wrong but blames me instead.It all came to a head last week when my son was very ill with a tooth abscess, he has not once asked about him, offered any help or to go get supplies.Ive been told that he doesnt care about my son, therefore he doesnt care about me either.I do everything for his son who is 8 but he does nothing for mine.I asked him why he hadnt even asked if my son was okay, and he ignored me and basically ignored me since apart from the odd thing which he has growled at me.When I said I was taking my son to the dentist, he said he needed the car to pick wood up, I said that can wait, and he rolled his eyes and walked off.I loved this man and my stepson with all my heart, but the uncaring attitude he has had to my son and me this last week has me doubting everything and I have been told he is abusive just on a lower scale and he wont change. I should have left him that day. It is our fault for getting involved with the man in the first place, our fault fornot leaving, our fault for dwelling on it and not moving on and forgetting about it if we are damaged. They frequently direct angry outbursts at you. Here's the best ways to let him go so he misses you and comes back. I have some great dating advice, sparked by a conversation I had today with a friend. I dont know what happened, although there is a history of mental illness on his fathers side of the family. No, once I put my all to you. I dont know if he ever loved me and i dont know why he treats me so bad i have done everything for him and he claims to love me but can you say those things to the women you love?? I have been texting him less because my SO mentioned that I had been texting him a lot and I didn't want him to get upset or get the wrong idea. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. He is extremely anti social so he doesn't' go out with me much when I go out with my friends. Im in a place where I cant. There are many things we get in a relationship, including physical, mental, and emotional comfort. This happened in the third week of September. Then hell try even harder to get your attention. Same here. Makes us feel better when we read about that. Wait a moment and try again. And on and on and on, I wished my dad were here so many times. Cook, check mail. While some may act overtly menacing, others may resort to subtle manipulation in an attempt to "keep you. And as of right now he isnt anymore. The one time he did attempt to plan in advance he sent me a text the day before saying, sorry I can't make it. I explained that I hadn't done anything and that the OP knew I was in a relationship and respected that and wasn't trying anything but he won't believe me. Spending too much time on your phone, doing everything with your partner, or being overly picky could lead to problems in your . He tried to choke my son once and then tried to attack him another time for smarting off to him- both times I tried to intervene by grabbing him or hitting him until he stopped. My question is how to come out from the lowest of the lowest point when the choice was made to allow things to get that way. When ever we get in an argument he tells me I'm imagining things, I make things out to be worse than they are, or he'll just defend everything and become mad. Things Verbal Abusers Say and Do, HealthyPlace. One thing is for sure: You dont have to wait for him to figure this out. (30-35) My boyfriend seems to think I'll be around forever no matter what he does. Hes trying to manipulate you by pretending hes changed. While you and your significant other can be perfect for each other in 101 ways, it's still possible to be financially incompatible with your partner.Not everyone is a money whiz, and that's OK. Signs You're a Bad Partner Even If You Think You Aren't - Insider He had neighbors watch the house and call him if they saw me trying to losd up my car and leave while he was at work. Consistent last minute evening requests is definitely in booty call territory. I dont know whats wrong with me, 7 Methods to Reignite Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage, eNotAlone Relationships, Dating, Breakup, Marriage, Love Articles. We all regret breaking up with a good partner. Put your house on the market tonight! Now my boyfriend and I have since made up but not really been abel to talk about that night because he still doesn't think he did anything wrong. How to Deal With a Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong - Marriage.com You know how to get what you want, don't you? I try to back her up if our kiddos are getting out of line. His coming clean is irrelevant. (I assume he was trying to confuse me as he does everyday to create and argument then blame me for the creation of said argument. I know it was my choice from the very start to stay or leave since red flags are always there from the beginning with every abusive man. I respect women are beaten mercilessly. He wont leave me alone! Have u looked up narssisst I cannnot work it out. You don't know how to please a man!" "You're fat and miserable and you make me hate you." I think part of the problem is I feel like I need a guy to make me happy. I feel like everything I do is wrong to him. With the greatest of respect, you might want to choose more carefully in future. a total sweetheart3. Work on prioritizing and loving yourself. This means employing the "no contact" rule or at least keeping your contact very limited. I think the last text I received asking me to go out was two weeks ago. You want to be able to see what hes up to. Oh, and she's divorced. So yea Im crying in my house, not knowing where hes at, or where he has gone. I feel as though Im invisible. How old is he? In reply to Is anyone on here now? Hell actually pursue you as long as that feeling doesnt disappear. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Thank God for my present husband; he understands and supports me. no matter the statement that i say. I dont think I ever heard an apology from him about hitting me, untill I went back home. We b apart almost 3 years now. its been a rough road but Im trying my damnedest to get over him and its not working yall. As a result, a deluge of extreme violence with all the shades of antiquity are delivered with vinegar and salt as a sort of revenge. He mentally and physically abused both of us the only difference is she cheated on him and he got an assult charge but he praises this women never says one bad thing to her i never cheated and have forgiven him for cheating on me and he started calling me a prostitute says things like i have sex with 20 guys a day and have a pimp and that i dont want to have sex with him because either i havr their cum inside me or dont want to have hia inside me while im prostituting says that my vagina is filled with cum and my boobs are ruined from all the guys sucking on them and thats nust the beginning hes beeb doing this to me for three years and i finally had enough i have never cheated in my life and have only been with 5 guys.. I'm at a point where i'm so confused. By TL:DR - I live a very hectic and drama infused life. He told me that part of him thinks he will stay with me, but the other part says no because he always goes back to her [about 6 months ago they started talking again and he told me and her that no one could ever replace his ex, but than apologized a few months later] he also told me that my boyfriend thinks he has me in the palm of his hand and that I will never leave him. "My boyfriend is codependent": 13 classic signs and what to do - Ideapod 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship Will he ever come back? 13 ways to tell - Hack Spirit He cant just come back whenever he feels like he needs someone to use for his own benefit. In reply to My husband and I have been by Anonymous (not verified), Hi Niki, Does this make sense. Sometimes it gets so bad because it has been tolerated and allowed for too long where the woman becomes trapped financially and in all other areas and becomes isolated from friends and family even though they were once before strong/independent financially and emotionally plus had many friends and family. All rights reserved. I did it to protect myself and it has worked. We are both the "fixers" in our marriages. A narcissistic person's "love pattern" will generally predict how they will behave in a relationship. Since then, there has been many occasions when he has bashed me, tried to suffocate me, I even think he wanted to kill me. 7. Is he stalking you now? Ask him to leave you alone. This may sound familiar to some and fantastical to others. My dad was the best, he was verbally abusive but I always knew he loved me unconditionally. Not going to lie, it stung a bit. Maybe fix you instead of blaming his mother. But many men will take these little breaks because they want a little freedom and to have some fun with other women as well. No one here will judge you for staying (I've been there and it can feel hopeless! Its hard to fall asleep in an empty bed when it used to be shared for so long. I dont know if this is Considered verbal abuse but it sure feels that way. In reply to Right now Im crying in my by Anonymous (not verified). Then i came back, I ended up telling what happened. As I got changed and packed my things, he said 'go to the street and suck c***, its all your good for' I felt humiliated and like a whore. "This is who I am and I like being this way. ", "Bitch" (and the countless other names I won't bother to list), "I should have left you at the club with all the other whores. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Instead, I ran a bath and went to sleep. Yea I do whine, yea I do cry a lot. This is the moment hell realize that he made a mistake of not treating you right. I separated from him a few years ago but we continue to live in the same house due to finances. If he is asking you out on a date (not just round at your place) at least a couple of days in advance, then he is going about it in the right way. Here goes my story. My boyfriends bestfriend (who has become one of my really good friends) asked me what I was going to do about it. Great, he surprised me yesterday and showed up at my house with lunch.4. I HOPE YOU ARE FEELING AND DOING BETTER!! I dont understand I wish he would just end it sometimes because it really feels like no matter what I do its the wrong thing. We don't have any drama in our relationship and it's like a breath of fresh air for me. I'm just really happy.8. He has rubbed my face in urine and faeces. When . I don't know how to move on. I think if he really like me he'd put in more effort to meet me halfway. Counseling may be able to help both of you communicate in a healthy way. I just liked his warmth and kisses. Take it or leave it!" To which we reply, "Smell ya later." And. If you have children, tell him 'I hope your new woman won't mind having the kids as I need a nice break (and think of a nice place you can relax) see what he says then. I stay because I am not good enough, I do love him so much. It would be so much easier if we all knew what we wanted from life right away. When he gets mad he will call me a b****, tell me to shut the f*** up. I UNDERSTAND!!! Divorce laws that make you wait a year with an abuser are cruel. Just because he misses you doesnt mean that he loves you and is right for you. I left because I didnt want to come back, I got hit in the face on my birthday because I picked him up from work a couple minutes late. It can be difficult to determine what's abuse and what's not. (I shouldve known). TL;DR boyfriend says were too different, seems checked out but says he doesnt want to end it. How to differentiate between friendship and feelings? drunk, his ex. I have made a point not to hang out with him one on one because of that information though he would be out with our group of friends often. nothing i ever say is ever right. It was just him paying everything, I pretty much left my responsibilities. My[26F] boyfriend [28M] thinks I'm going to leave him for - Reddit He knows that youre not able to say no to him or to watch him cry his eyes out because of you. He doesnt want you to lead a life without him because that would mean that you dont need him. However, children are apt to believe their primary caregiver and also use that conflict to have power over whichever of their parents does not cede to their every demand. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Were all quite aware of how absolutely wrong it is to play mind games with someone. Cookie Notice Of all your comments, the only ones that apply to my abuser are, she has said "I can't stand to look at you. Sadly. After my dog did the deed, I heard someone screaming a**hole! I wish I could but he passed away 3 years ago. He doesnt think about changing himself, he just wants to prove to you that you need him, even though you clearly dont. Light and love-Jenn, Yes this is abuse. Its awful to have a man use you like this, but you probably dont even see it because he makes it seem as if he still cares about you. And thats why hes texting you in the middle of the night. So if I complain he says well I clean the dishes or I did the laundry.