Am I being controlling? I rarely drive with my spouse in the car unless she wants me to be the DD. The Lord is so faithful. First it was anger, she acknowledged her anger issues but now its aggressive tone of voice which is nonstop and constant need to explain everything in minutiae. I take mental notes pf the things he complains about and try to clean them the next time he gets home and he find something else wrong! We like to refer to critical people as control freaks or high-maintenance people. Control freaks are compelled to critique every little thing you do; it seems like they believe their spiritual gift is to point out whats wrong with you at every turn. I did all the other things to keep him happy and its a long list so I was exhausted and thought I covered it all. Thats all I could say after reading your story/life. Good Luck! The truth is that you have great worth and value and we strongly urge you to seek the support of a counselor, mentor or pastor who can offer you guidance. There is no use arguing because he is always right they think. If we simply stop nagging while they dont change , well , the resentment will still be there . But it is still better to self hate on my own flaws than to risk hurting someone else. he says we live in filth when i literally do my best to have the house look nice and clean when he gets home. It is fear based. I work fulltime, she works 2 evenings a week, and sometimes a few hours on Saturdays. May 2, 2011 Adapted from a recent online discussion. The I can take a little here and there is so true, but it seems that there is something always, almost daily but certainly weekly. I notice that more and more, I am raw about being criticized and I dont just let it go, so we fight about it. Expecting perfection is and expecting a person to agree to what you consider good enough rather than negotiating such things is too controlling but simply requiring equal or close to equal help is not. Now, he constantly critiques my cleaning, and what I wear, and at one point was even trying to control what I ate.. Hes even threatened to throw away shoes that he didnt like. I believe a horn is designed to signal someone or alert someone in a situation where there is potential danger to them or yourself. This person is not happy with themslef. If there is any more criticism after that, then follow through. Eg youre so careless you never put the diaper on right. Dont do ittake it from mewait till the kids are grown and prepare in the meantime. The diaper needs to be tighter is not criticism. Soaking up attention, lacking in emotion, refusing to commit/agree to help and not fulfill the promise, extramarital affairs, etc. My secret is this. cleaning services will only lead to more problems. The sink is a stone bowl and the bench real hard oiled wood so, just now, i was brushing my teeth and i got water on the sink bench.. i was grabbing a small hand towel to clean it up but he just entered the bathroom and saw it. So according to this article constructive criticism doesnt exist. I have contemplated suicide as a means to have peace in my life and I am saddened to share that. Correction and criticism are never the same. It doesn't matter if you're a clutz or you were in a hurry one morning. Healing and help is very possible even though the pain may make it seems like that is not true. In a high-maintenance relationship like this, its hard to cope with your spouses complaints and critiques without harboring resentment toward him or her. And when a man criticizes a woman. Men that iverly critise are narracists. I have a sinus infection and had foot surgery on Monday. My husband is extremely critical over my weight. If Im cold, its my fault. If yes, know that you have a controlling wife. Dont seek to lose weight. So so true! Constant not picking is not constructive to a marriage. How to Help A Child with Autism Thrive. It may be my low self-esteem talking but it makes me feel inadequate, and doesn't make me want to improve at all. So to save my sanity Im distancing myself emotionally and just ignoring her behavior. Yet sometimes I awake from a dream where I am still living with my other husband. And I swear to you Ive always tried to take ownership of my own mistakes of which ther have been many. Great article. I feel the same way. Your wife, by the very nature of her DNA.going way back from her ancestors in the caves MUST have you being the alpha male in the home, or she cannot respect you and therefore. We tidy the house pretty evenly, and we have cleaners for the overall cleaning. Something is REALLY wrong with Mensomething is going on with the male species, in other words, because I see WAY too many posts on here from women experiencing whats basically the same as ABUSE??!! If you DO think shes good enough, then TREAT HER like shes good enough no criticism, no negativity, no unasked-for helpful advice and treat her with RESPECT. I hate it! Its about fairnessespecially when both spouses WORK full time!!!!! This is hard I must say, this is our second marriage but it like am being punished for the sins of the past spouse. While youre working through these issues together, its also important for you to have ways to cope with your spouses critical spirit. I dont really know who I am or what I want anymore. Words are incredibly powerful. Dont lose hope though, b/c there is one True God whose promises are 100% reliable and we have to keep that in perspective. Same here except my husband changed due to an ALS diagnosis 2 yrs ago, he was never so angry and critical. I think we feel a need to help others, but in our quest to help selfish people we stop helping ourselves. My wife is a very intelligent person who notices everything. You can help this process by being honest about how it makes you feel. Over time, these talks may help ease the tension in your relationship, and you may find that his or her compulsive criticism will ease, too. I cried going to work the other day because I feel so internally battered. Im just sharing my preferences. Its a sin to leave a marriage for any other reason but adultery. Felt amazing at that second. I wanna choose peace and let go of him. She makes you feel guilty. Real men dont do that. Recently she discovered shes an INFJ personality type, which is why she has such an overwhelmed reaction when I tell her she needs to work on her communication skills with me. I cant process so much criticism from him at once. Not sure what to do. So find a personal way to relieve your stress after you get a healthy dosage of negative criticism. Do you do the work because he wont or because no one does it right so everyone gave up and lets you do it, No, I dont think you are controlling. My wife has complained she does the laundry! This made up the difference in money coming in. I travel for work as much as possible just to not be at home. . Just being myself annoys her. I have tried to speak to someone out of the marriage that somehow made things worse for me. They also pay closer attention to detail in the home. I find this all very draining as I cannot fix any of this stuff! 2) If he is a great man, why does he have an urge to verbally batter his wife at all? Never has anything nice to say to me other than you look good on occasion which is rare because he also hates half of the outfits i pick out. I know this is making me vulnerable to this. It doesnt get better and you will feel more stuck. I know its stereotyping but I feel that most woman are critical to their husbands and its wrong to be that way. 1. I even tell him to stop correcting me & that doesnt help. Maybe you do need to leave. It is probably too late. i have literally no way to prove that i didnt die that day and im not living in hell right this second. its a bit different than what is being discussed but the emotional result is similar. When at home, I try to avoid him and stay in my home office. My biggest regret in life is not just doing that then and saving my wonderful family from the pain of being involved with a psycho who cant figure out how to be happy in a life with them, they are all the most wonderful people. I wouldnt say its an issue of an anxious heart, but a sinful heart. Having devoted the past 25 years to research, writing and speaking on pre-marriage education, Les and Leslie are renowned experts in the field. I mean come on there comes a point that you are at the end of your rope!!! Requiring someone to do their share is not the same as being overly critical in my honest opinion. I just let her as it keeps her silent for the most part while she watches them! Why should I, a simple high school graduate, know more than a string of professionals? You can decide to respond without reacting emotionally, or shutting down, or getting into another argument. I feel like a disappointment. He gets defensive over everything I say if it sounds remotely like he is in the wrong. A Family Guide to Macomb County. It is difficult to praise a man endlessly, especially when they are NOT providing for the family, and not showing love and most certainly not providing security. If I clean its not good enough so he says he has to go over it. IF you have a genuine desire to help, say, may I offer some advice. I feel stuck and unhappy at times. Wow She went away for a week to the Caribbean with a friend when she came home she was furious I never did enough laundry and what I did wasnt folded or put away properly. I tried my own advice.. We are senior citizens and I feel like there is no way hes going to do better at this point. What to Do When Your Husband Belittles You: 15 Tips - Marriage.com And after his second affair 22 years of marriage and five sons I knew I had to let him go. Each person will speak or hear with different lenses. Even if you disagree, even if you think you know a better way, SHUT UP and keep your comments to yourself. How come ending the relationship isnt a suitable option? For my part I did not speak up and have a voice and equality in our marriage. Dr Parrot thank you for responding to me! This is a great article and I enjoyed the content; however, I am struggling with getting my spouse to recognize their part. They were not my concern. I feel that we are both adults and both in the same position so we should both be contributing the same. How to Deal with a Nagging Wife - wikiHow