i don't like one of my boyfriend's female friends

For me I've always been willing to have conversations with my partners about our insecurities. Agree to Disagree. How to communicate to someone that I want to keep a relationship casual? I am just going to start off by saying, I am that guy (not the OP's BF, but that archetype of men with close female friends). Talking to boyfriend about his close female friends, Starting the Prompt Design Site: A New Home in our Stack Exchange Neighborhood. Those are red flags. However, there are a different set of restrictions for women and so women aren't like that in their friendships. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. tl;dr - I can't stand my boyfriend's relationship with his female friend. All of these are things which happened between me and my close female friends, and it never lead to us petting or having sex. RELATED: To The Friend That Left Me Behind For Her Boyfriend. When talking to partners about my insecurities I've found it helpful to have a solid understanding of my goal for having the conversation before starting. I think, though, that the solution will not be to restrict or alter his interactions with other girls, but rather for him to be aware of the situations you're uncomfortable with and how he can in those moments affirm his love for you. Weve been dating for almost 4 years. Would you mind the same if they were male friends? Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. Ive talked about this to my bf and he has assured me multiple times that she doesnt like him and thinks of him just as a friend but theres something about her that makes me feel otherwise. I also want to say that this isn't likely to go well for you. That's 100% irrational. When Your Boyfriend's Female Friend Is I just don't feel comfortable with this woman. I would like [desired course of action]". But to do that convincinly, you need to work on yourself and actually feel that it is true. -- many people would rather dump a date than an old friend. In the first case the conversation will lead to nothing. Are one-on-one drinks off limits for instance? More importantly they frame things in a way that is much less likely to put people on the defensive. If Your Partners Friends Dont Like You He has many close female friends, meaning he's likely poly-amorous to a degree, pretty open minded with regards to relationships, and see the events as opportunities rather than threats. If you can change your mind to not want a specific solution but simply any solution that will make you feel good and happy, you will have a higher chance of success. Much of what typical men do makes me cringe. Mark Zuckerberg has unveiled Threads, a clone of Twitter designed to lure people turned off by the social networks changes under owner Elon Musk. WebWhat Do You Do When Your Partner Has a Lot of Female Friends and Youre Not Sure If You Should Be Worried or Not? WebShe doesnt need to say she doesnt like you if she says she wont go out in any group youre in. Hopefully this works. The ugly: no matter what deal you come to with him, you will always live in (quite valid) fear that he will one day meet someone he connects with so deeply that he will want to jump ship. Gift. It may be stressful to be with a guy who can only interact with women by flirting with them. by Andrea Thorp Apr 23, 2023 iStock/jacoblund Having a boyfriend who has close female friends can get really tricky. Even though you took their advice to date somebody different, you can't blame people for being surprised that you're dating an angsty musician when the last five boyfriends you introduced them to were outgoing athletes. Should we put our foot down and say in no uncertain terms that we wont tolerate this? Source: I have plenty of contact with females, and my wife originally had a really hard time with it. 15amp 120v adaptor plug for old 6-20 250v receptacle? I assume it is pretty clear that there are implicit boundaries (e.g. So you are right in being careful and asking for advice, because that is very, very thin ice you're on. Web1 Become Allies A major reason why you are jealous over his female friends is that you fear he will leave you for one of them. @Pretzel_Master A lot of my answer is predicated upon your boyfriend being receptive and willing to work with you on finding a solution that will work for the both of you. wat do? Jealousy is a terrible thing, and it appears you're a victim of it. They think he's gay. That is the only way you can "successfully have a productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately getting defensive". To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. I'm sorry but you can't have this conversation successfully. To calm these fears, get to know each of them on a one-on-one basis. part of this issue, which your description seems to indicate he does seems to be attracting them and that it is genuinely platonic. You will absolutely for 100% do more, much more, damage to your relationship if you try to isolate him from his friends. And it's not because he has these needs you don't fulfil that they will necessarily develop into interactions which are unacceptable to you. I've been in that situation (i.e. I hate my bf's female friend, how should I handle the situation? Many of men who find themselves in those circumstances tend to rely on their romantic partner for all their emotional support because that's where it's "allowed" to feel things and share etc. It seems no matter where he goes or what he does he's always befriending more girls. One friend called him my exs nametwice. He's hit on them. Just that that conversation about it can't happen successfully? If you can't see eye-to-eye with their friends, agree to Once you've Should we share our discomfort with our man? It's a bitter pill to swallow but its a pretty simple deal. Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. I believe that you are approaching this conversation in the wrong way. He either hit on your girlfriends when you were off grabbing hors d'oeuvres, or you saw him but you dismissed his "friendly joking" as a i dont even want to meet her . We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. There are 2 girls who he's close with, and they seem all territorial of him and just give me the vibe that they don't like me, and I feel awkward around them. i dont even want to meet her . EDIT Thank you for your well considered responses. If you have separate circles of friends (i.e., he would not normally tell you that much about his male friends either), then don't dig too much into the female ones; this will, again, come over as controlling and checking. Your boyfriend already knows how you feel about their friends. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! No reason at all because closing off is proved to be counterproductive to psychological and physical wellness and that closeness is not limited to family and partners. What Instagram's Threads app gets right and wrong as a Twitter My boyfriend has always had close female friends. If you can't truly feel these two points, it will be difficult, but you can try to fake them. We both love each other very much and we're always growing closer. According to my boyfriends retelling of the night, my friends and I abandoned consciousness about 45 minutes in. My boyfriend has a few friends who are girls and I don't like them, I want him to stop being friends with them but I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing him to cut them off. Do If Your Partner Doesn't Like Your I only kept REAL female friends (unfortunately, they were still too good looking for my then-gf taste), but they had bfs and/or is not in the city so she was finally ok with the ones I kept. What's the opposite of nostalgia?Your friends won't say it at the table, but they're probably thinking, "Oh, this guy again." Otherwise one partner feels like they're getting the raw end of the deal. I suspect that your bf probably is in the same situation as I was back then. How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends? He recently disregarded my feelings about her to run an errand for her when he was advised not to even by other friends. You are unhappy with that behavior, is that behavior important enough that he is willing to continue with it knowing you are unhappy? productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately Mark Zuckerberg has unveiled Threads, a clone of Twitter designed to lure people turned off by the social networks changes under owner Elon Musk. They just trigger the emotions. I am just protective of my bf and don't want him being friends with other girls, I feel This is a big change that warrants taking the time to understand his side of the story. 5 Harsh Signs He's A Womanizer And Won't Stop, 8 Things Women Only Do With The Men They Love, I Don't Know What I Did To Deserve Your Love, Ultimately, it's not a dealbreaker if a guy isn't in love with your friends, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 7 Unsexy Habits That Demolish Your Likeability, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive. How can I remove a mystery pipe in basement wall and floor? My boyfriends relationship with his female friend feels His enthusiasm is akin to a motivational speaker's. i dont like my boyfriends female friend That's 100% irrational. I will try to give the perspective of somebody who has mainly female friends and my girlfriends/wife had such conversations with me over the years. If I haven't seen my male friend in 5 years and we then we will hang out, it's standard/default/expected; on the other hand, if I don't hang out with my female friend, I basically just lost half of my friends. chances are you may have to face the fact that he is a man who is more comfortable with female friends because of the reality in which we live. my It's written all over your question. I used to love going to breakfast with my friend slash an ex slash a colleague (she graphic designs for my company), the reason was she was a model and she dated a string of powerful wealthy men and she has impeccable taste. dont like my boyfriends female friend getting defensive? Logical justifications notwithstanding, I was hurting my then-gf with my behavior. My main issue is with these sentences. To calm these fears, get to know each of them on a one-on-one basis. And when you find that you have been mistaken in your abilities of either, talk again. Which is exactly what you said you want to avoid. He makes no effort to remember their names, only talks to you the entire night, and seemsreally bored overall. It was very hard because girls hold grudges. Toxic masculinity has an influence that can linger and for some, it's a fact of life. Your partner's friends are likely important to them, and they're not going to just drop them because you don't like them. Do not make him responsible in any way, because he hasn't done anything wrong and knows it. So, when you talk to him about it, avoid saying things like "you are doing this and that, which is this and that". It feels very ego boosting when she looks up to me and holds on to my arm even if it's "just as friends". What should you do if your partner doesnt like your best friend? Be clear that they are triggered by his actions, but not caused. Shes a mean girl, straight up. Heres what you need to know. He recently disregarded my feelings about her to run an errand for her Because of that, I hope you will remember that we girls also get awful messages that poured into our heads from the cradle - in particular about Other Women as predatory competition, man-stealers, and that only way for men and women to meaningfully interact is romantically and sexually we are flooded with by movies and tv and the internet inescapably. And what does that achieve? Do you not see that you are in fact hurting her?" But these kinds of conversations rarely have productive results. Go ahead and chalk up his efforts to nervousness. Do I have the right to limit a background check? It wouldn't hurt to question your own taste if your friends bring up how you don't bother to expand your dating horizons. Sure. Once you start accepting that you are perfect just the way you are then you stop looking to external validations as a substitute (such as success in a relationship) and stop feeling threatened by things which threaten these flimsy substitutes (such as your partner being close to other women) and stop trying to control things you have no place controlling (such as placing boundaries on another conscious being's rights). Only yourself. It took maybe 5 years or more, which were really unpleasant for her (but which I could not fix, really). Heres what you need to know. Good luck! And wherever that line is, you can't ask him not to cross it- all you can do is make a decision about the relationship if he crosses it. His defensiveness is also quite likely due to resentment at passing on all those other opportunities out of respect for you and to keep you happy in your desire for a monogamous relationship, so he feels he's already "doing you a favour" by not screwing around when plenty other men do. Because at the end of the day when you come home, we both come home to the person that we think is the best for us, better than any other guy or lady either of us have spent time with. You're not establishing boundaries between your shared home and his parents dropping by unannounced. It's about love and willingness to please. Thanks for the answer! 2 Find Something Good About Them As long as your friend isn't in a toxic or abusive relationship, try to give your friend's partner the benefit of the doubt. You've already had conversations like this before. When are complicated trig functions used? Obviously you cannot expect your boyfriend to never feel romantic attraction to any woman other than you, like it would be unrealistic to expect someone to never feel appetite while grocery shopping. Friends Don't Like If this is the reality of the source and type of friendships he has, then he's doing nothing wrong and you're doing nothing wrong - the world is wrong. WebI dont like my boyfriends friends. Do you really wish to cut his ties to other humans? The incomparable Tony Porter founder and CEO of A Call To Men, an sexual violence education and prevention organization focuses on healthy manhood specifically dealing with countering negative outcomes in the current socialization of boys in terms of respect, emotionality, understanding and understanding of the culture, deconstructs how the threat of being "girly" is used as a weapon against young men and how it represses their ability to connect with each other in his talks very simply. Tell your BF that you feel terrible about it, after you understood that it is, in fact, not his behaviour that bothers you, but your emotions about his behaviour. You've decided she's some awful Never had anyone not like it or said anything but I have a feeling that if OTHER guys had done the same thing, they (the girls) wouldn't be happy about it. You can't argue with him and win logically because he had justified the existence of the girls in his mind already. So what I perceive as hurting someone is not the same as from that person's point of view, THIS IS THE KEY POINT to communicate to your bf as well. Im also stalking her on social media PLEASE HELP. There is no requirement in relationships that one set of friends must become buddies with the other set of friends. So you believe two random women who've told you bullshit instead of your boyfriend? And in its first Rebecca is in a similar situation. There's not. Trust your boyfriend. How does that work with common default boundaries like not having sexual relations with anyone else? Do If Your Partner Doesn't Like Your The key here is to share your feelings with him in a way that evokes compassion an understanding in him rather than defensiveness. One of my boyfriend's female friends doesn't like me (and I'm "But these kinds of conversations rarely have productive results." I Don't Like My Boyfriend's Friends the two sitting close on the sofa (without further body contact), the the two stroking each others back and holding each other, falling asleep together (without being naked), giving each other a single kiss on the cheek, He doesn't already know how you feel (he does), Knowing how you feel will make a conversation about boundaries to go better (yes, but see point 1), A conversation and/or agreement on boundaries will resolve the situation (it could work, but it doesn't address the real issue). Some of us guys actually prefer female friends. As far as I was concerned, it was great. It's hard for them to not jump to conclusions when you have a Master's degree and are earning a nice salary, while he's an aimless-yet-cute "aspiring novelist" who lives with his mom. Has he ever lied to you before? You're not establishing boundaries between him and you. You already have a solution in mind dump that. Are you sure this isn't rather an intrapersonal topic for you dealing with feelings and/or jealousy? One of the ways to deal with your boyfriends female friends is to become their ally. A dedicated relationship is both a boon and a responsibility, and sometimes a bit of love and trust can provide more of a payoff to the other than it costs. I Don't Like My Boyfriend's Friends I don't have the whole picture but if it applies, I hope it may help give you a new lens with which to examine your feelings, options and possibly your situation as a whole. I really dont like my boyfriends female friend. Im also stalking her WebAnswer (1 of 9): Well technically his job detail as a boyfriend doesnt consist of him liking or not liking any of your male friends. rev2023.7.7.43526. That is not something that you want. When I've talked to my partners about my insecurities regarding their other relationships I've found that this is helpful to me since sometimes all I need is for my partner to acknowledge and empathize with how I'm feeling. Explain to him that you know he does not mean anything wrong by it, but that is simply makes you feel sad. Are you really trying to say that it's impossible for those conversations to include a discussion of boundaries? Dont Trust Your Partners Friends He's hit on them. I am just protective of my bf and don't want him being friends with other girls, I feel that my boyfriend is "mine" and I don't think I I'm sorry I dont have any specific suggestion about how to go about fixing your circumstances. Or maybe we should play the cool girl and pretend everythings ok? I knew I didn't need those ex-lover/paramours in my life, it's not worth the happiness of my then-gf at the time. Can I still have hopes for an offer as a software developer, English equivalent for the Arabic saying: "A hungry man can't enjoy the beauty of the sunset". I dont like my boyfriends friends. My Boyfriend I dont like watching myself its like, Oh, fucking hell but its an extraordinary piece of work. I am just protective of my bf and don't want him being friends with other girls, I feel that my boyfriend is "mine" and I don't think I The 8 Real Reasons Your Friends Don't Like Your Boyfriend Describe this to him as sweetly and kindly as you can, and truly express how this is making you sad. Work on being able to talk with him about his female friends. It may increase it, what do we know (the "forbidden fruit", together with his resentment lowering your importance in his mind). After a lot of probing, the therapist and we figured out that it was ego-feeding. You are bigger than those norms are and I think you know that because you seem very aware that your jealousy-based anxieties don't make sense completely logical sense. Should we share our discomfort with our man? My The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Weve been dating for almost 4 years. Whatever the case, don't let your friends get away with making fun of his flamboyancy, especially if you and your guy have already hashed out that he's often mistaken for being gay, but he's sure he's not. That might sound harsh, but you need to remember there are plenty progressive and open minded women out there who don't see emotional connections their men have with other women as a threat, who accept that humans are what they are, rather than forcing the world to fit moral notions of what they should be, and who deal in trust and honesty, not boundaries. If Your Partners Friends Dont Like You Im not sure how I should handle this because I do have toxic controlling i dont like my boyfriends female friend Im not sure how I should handle this because I do have toxic controlling behaviors and I dont want to be. and our Ask yourself whether or not you can date someone in the long run if your aspirations are mismatched. My boyfriends You say he has many close female friends. I had nothing to hide, but there also was no way whatsoever to convince her of my innocence. This made me feel second to his friendship. I dont like my boyfriends friends boyfriend
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