If you truly need money, ask for it. He applied to food service management jobs, but doesnt want to work as a peon because hes too smart for that. Talk to your parents about it if its really bothering you, but dont be a whiny brat about it. 2002 suzuki ECU 750work for my 2001 gsx r7 50 will it be compatible even though it's when you're off. The one where I have an attitude. Good to know where your line is. November 20, 2013, 12:34 pm. However, her parents are buying her a house? I am glad my parents gave that money to my brother and could care less that I wasnt given an equivalent amount and that didnt change their wills to reflect this (it makes me sick even thinking about that) same as I would be appalled if I received the same amount they paid for my older sister house, or fertility treatments etc. Unfortunately my parents let her get away with it because she tells them a sob story. But when Ive asked for help, Im told the family cant afford to help me and my sister, too. This is a great way to explain it. If Im going to read this generously, Im going to say that the money here is being used as shorthand for the love, for reasons that people have already mentioned (money being a tangible expression of love, etc. Seems like the LW still has a decent relationship with her parents, she should say something and maybe consider counseling. I think those who havent personally experienced this have trouble understanding those who do because they cant believe that parents are really that way. November 20, 2013, 12:42 pm. If the LW had framed this letter in a different way, I think that a lot of the responses would be very different. 3. My mom said has said to me that they raised us to be self-sufficient, so that was essentially our inheritence. Keepingmyheadabovewater You say that the black sheep has no right to have any expectations at all because she fails to ask. I mean down to the penny everybody gets the exact same. Me, 24 now has said fuck them all, if thats the way they are going to act then I could care less.I dont know how old you are, but I have my own family now and thats all I care about. After a while, my mom started easing up on giving my sister money. Was this in the forums a long time ago or something? LBH, Im on your side. That being said, Id rather have my parents around for a lot longer than have to live in a world without them. Well, I have definitely been in the same situation with me and my sister, only we are a bit younger. Thats not where our opinions differ. Resentment and jealousy, to a certain degree, is inevitable in any family relationship at one time or another, but the level the LW describes here is about A LOT more than the money. Hopefully reading this comment will show the LW thats not how all families work. Why? Now, this guy makes over 100,000/year. Originally Published: Oct. 12, 2018 JackF: Getty My youngest sister sat on my sofa a few days after I gave birth to my third child and stared at me, trying to understand what it was like to sit in a puddle of hormonal soup since she'd never experienced it. November 20, 2013, 2:43 pm. My family is composed by 4 people: my mother, my father, my sister and me. Advice? Try being open and honest with your intentions instead of passive aggressive and bitter. I think you should think long and hard about what it is about this whole situation that bothers you. I think its more about not wanting their child to fail, which seems to be the one thing your sister excels at. I will say, Id rather be in my position than my siblings, because their life sucks because they cant conduct it successfully. It sounds like your entire family is on the same page and very generous with their money and help. Do you expect them to keep changing their will? This has to due with your relationship with your parents, and the difference between you and your sister is simply the most concrete way you have to demonstrate the lack of regard you feel from your parents. Because once theyre gone, your pain and anger will complicate the grieving process. November 20, 2013, 2:59 pm. The LW and her parents are all still alive, so they have the chance to fix this, but you have to talk to them LW! Your mom's joke has clearly fallen flat. For those who had a hard time and beg to parents/family/friends/etc , just ponder how hard it is it is to be responsible, and then to see people get handouts. Its also unfair to assume that all things are equal and that your parents are somehow required to share their assets equally with you and your sister once they die. It wasnt a good dynamic. I think we can all agree that we wouldnt be THRILLED about it, but, its not saintly to get over this kind of thing and mind your own bussiness, it is HEALTHY. I think your situation is mostly like my mothers her siblings all get help houses, groceries, cars, whatever. I love being able to buy (smaller) stuff for my parents now, too, like getting the bill when Im out to dinner with my mom. You have a relationship with your sister, and one with your parents, and as much as you may know things, you dont know the ins and outs of that relationship. Dont MAKE me come over there! For example, I grew up with a brother who needed a lot of help from my parents from when I was a teen till a relatively short time ago. And I didnt. You were very on point before, so try that. She has a younger sister, Stella. Thats whats worth getting concerned about, not about whether one can finagle money from ones aging parents that one doesnt really need, just because someone else is getting it out of them. Dear Brandon, I love my dad a lot and I know he loves me too, but he really doesn't show it much. My parents would also never accept money from me, and insist on buying me what I consider WAY too much for stuff like Christmas. Make passive aggressive statements at Thanksgiving and buy yourself Christmas presents this year. Turns out that your parents do like him more. Im sure your parents are proud of your self-sufficiency and so it comes down, to me, whether Id want their respect or their cash. Follow me on Twitter. She received an estate of well over 1mm. My mother in law and father in law helped them with the house, baby-sit constantly and pay some of their bills (I know this because they told me and husband). ask for help, if you, yknow, actually want financial HELP & not just love. or just sitting there being spiteful saying Well, its your own fault, if you were responsible LIKE ME you wouldnt be in this situation, so deal with it.. LadyinPurpleNotRed But he said something to me this year when he graduated college that struck me. Send Amazing Rakhi to Loving & Caring Brother on the Most-awaited Occasion of Rakhi. ), and Id venture to say that if the LW was getting the emotional support from her folks she wouldnt worry so much about things being equitable. Finally, all these things are not really about your sister. And maybe you dont want to ask, and thats fine too. meadowphoenix It makes me feel better when Im having a petty moment about this issue. Talking to them will bring your feelings out in the open and allow you to discuss them. Bottom line dont pick a fight over something that you dont know ALL of the information about, especially when you havent asked for the same considerations that your sister has. She has been actively trying to tear the family apart for 30 years, and has about succeeded. [7] 5. The father had a stroke recently and now he cant support any of them and so it is going to get ugly very fast. Eventually when your parents are no longer able to support her, shell start feeling the pain. Maybe it does for some, but I dont think it has anything to do with my opinion, which is apparently very, very different than some of the other commenters. I know it sucks, and its awful, but if you ask and they say no, theres not much you can do. If my brother ever needed help, they would give it to him too. Im embarrassed to admit I dont understand what that means. I, on the other hand, moved out when I was 18 and have always supported myself. In your pristine and flawless expectations of in ideal world, you fall short of reality . Heres an illustration: 1. LW, its none of your business what your parents do with their money. This is my sister, Laila. That way, they'll be happier without me there. Absolutely hands down a case overt favoritism sneaky and underhanded! I dont see where the letter says that, but even if you are correct, look at the description of the LWs sister and tell me you dont think the parents are going to be paying that mortgage. I would approach them and say something like I understand that you would love for my husband and I to start our families. My in-laws, at the time, had a healthy savings and were both still working. it still hurts to know that your mom thinks so little of you while she goes to extremes to please the other sibling. MY LITTLE SISTER IS A MINI MACKENZIE!! The. 1) she was a girl (their words) and 2) she needed it more. That said, I guess I feel like youre far, far pettier than I am about it. Theres a way you can do it without enabling, and I think a big part of that is maintaining high expectations and growing up in a background where its normal and the kids arent selfish about taking help. November 20, 2013, 11:44 am. Ever seen one of those? It took them 6 years to do it so its not like Ive spent the last 6 years stewing. I agree with Wendy, instead of letting this bitter resentment and anger fester and build, try asking for help. I think mentioning your parents will and being upset they arent accounting for all the money they have shelled out to your sister more than you, is a really sad sentiment and not a healthy obsession to have in your life. That way, they'll be happier without me there. Haha Thank you. Maybe try asking them advice, that you dont necessarily have to follow, about some small or big things in your life. Helping you build a flower bed or paint your living room or teaching you a family recipe or something, you know? I dutifully call her once every other week and send her cards on the appropriate holidays and presents when needed. I know it sucks and I know its not fair, but try your best not to let the bitterness get in the way of having a good relationship with your family. (also to Grilledcheesecalliope), iwannatalktosampson November 20, 2013, 1:29 pm. I wouldnt be surprised if they have gotten me and my wife written out of the will by now. Ask for something concrete. It's almost like your own private club, where the do's and don'ts are clearly laid out.
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