boyfriend said he wants to take care of me

He really cares and he is telling you and everyone else. He needs to take on the entirety of the care himself (or hire someone to do stuff like walk it while hes at work and unavailable). And thats how it turned out. But he was being extremely unfair and manipulative about it. He might still love you, but he doesnt want to be a part of the constant fighting. I hope you never have occasion to be responsible for any pet OR child. Either way it's money in the bank. Break up with the guy. Maybe I didnt read closely enough because I had trouble understanding if the LW is doing more work because she is the only one at home during the day (and chooses to do this stuff then) or if he just does nothing. So that later you can tell him that you do everything for him, including getting a dog with him because his happiness is more important than yours? I dont know if you have to be super wildly in love with the dog to co-exist with one. Fine. Look at him and see if he is worth it. My boyfriend told me right off the bat that having a dog was a non-negotiable for him and refused to move forward with someone who wasnt on board with this. December 22, 2016, 10:56 am. Yeah and just really the attitude that if he surprises her, she has to just accept whatever it is he foists on her because he means well and wants to make her happy (or so she assumes). I said it was entirely up to him, and I didnt want it unless he was totally on board. In fact, it would be a giant turn-off for me and I probably wouldnt really like or understand that person very much even at a friend level. It wasnt manipulation. 25. You might be able to find a way for the relationship to work if you really want to stay together throughout college though. Don't contact him unless you have to. Its more than a half hour daily walk. He moans, coughs straight out into the air (no covering his mouth), and totally takes advantage of the doctor telling him to stay home (not that I blame him there); basically, he acts like a kid trying to get some extra love. There are plenty of people who dont really like any pets, but are wonderful parents. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. By posting you agree that you have read the. To revisit this article, select My Account, thenView saved stories. just because you dont feel that way doesnt mean someone else does. At this point, I think she needs to tell him its not her dog and shes not taking care of it, period. It is said that in real love, it is all about giving and not expecting. Privacy Policy. He needs to make time in his schedule to care for it and love it and he needs to come up with all of the money required because hes the only one who wanted this dog. But shes TRYING. Just be available in case he needs something. Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Reddit, Inc. 2023. If the boyfriend really loves this dog, in real life, not just as an idea, he will step in and take over all of the care and will do it happily because he loves the dog. MOA. RedRoverRedRover December 22, 2016, 11:43 am. Shift your half of the dog to your boyfriend so it is all his or find it a new home. Also, I speak from experience in that I dated a guy for (a stupidly long 8) months who didnt like my dog and it was a huge mistake. It sounds like neither of you knows how to compromise, one of you doesnt know how to back off, and one of you has poor decision-making. Was he thinking of me at all? . If he isnt willing to do that he has no business owning a dog. Whatever may be going on in his life might have a negative impact on the relationship and he realizes that. This might be something like working out or starting a business. Still, the guide below should give you an idea about some of the reasons why he may have decided to take a break from your relationship. This online background checking advice can reveal what your boyfriend has been getting up to behind your back. I felt so bad that one night, instead of going to the Rangers game like I had planned, I headed home to Hoboken to bring J dinner and make sure he was OK. On my way to Panera, I got a lot of texts from him saying, "No, no, really I'm fine" and "I'm not even really hungry" but once I told him I was picking up chicken soup, J perked right up and goes, "Actually can I get a turkey bacon bravo?" Yeah, of course. He knows that and he used it to his advantage and you let him. But, I would hope anyone decent person would care for an animal in distress, regardless if you like, dislike, or even know who the animal belongs to. I know dogs arent children, but the same concept applies here: if one partner wears the other down to have a child and then the partner who agreed to it decides nope, not my child, Im not caring for him/her because I never wanted him/her, thatd be pretty shitty. I understand not wanting to walk the dog every day. They need exercise, attention, obedience skills, and to be regularly socialized with all sorts of people, dogs, and things, etc. They are not compatible, they cant compromise in a healthy way, and they wont last. in my case id grown up in a home where pets were not allowed so when my boyfriend suggested we get a dog i was totally up for it! In this case since he was the one who very much wanted a dog and you didnt you shouldnt have agreed. 10 Signs He Will Never Come Back and It's Time to Stop Waiting. Not everybody wants someone to hover over them. Not to mention, it doesnt matter if it equals a commute or not. However, it is your husband who wanted the dog so badly, so he needs to be doing all the carefeeding it morning and night, walking it each morning before work, and hiring a dog walker to give it a walk in the middle of the day. She never should have caved to the boyfriend and gotten the dog in the first place, and honestly, if he LOVES dogs just as much as she HATES them, they probably are incompatible. Like, not even a goldfish? I hate when people compare. Equating that with hating kids is ridiculous .x. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. A very good example- I fainted in the parking lot as he was carrying me to the car and it was terrifying but even as I lost consciousness he was there comforting me. I mean, if two people cant agree on whether or not to have children like, if one person literally hates kids and the other is desperate to be a parent they would/should break up. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. You put him off and dismissed his dream as long as you could, then begrudgingly gave in, only to resent the hell out of him. Whenever I am sick, all I get from my husband is sorry. Kids dont roll in poop, pee in the house, eat feces and give you zero return. Under pressure or not, you yielded for him to have a dog, what done is done. He committed you to dog care for easily 10+ years without your permission, and robbed you of the pleasure of choosing your dog together! Third, your kid could kill another kid. She should break up with her boyfriend so that the dog is not in the hands of a new. To be honest, I find it extremely difficult to connect with people who dont love animals, and thinking about it, no, I dont really have any friends who dont at least love animals, even if theyre not pet owners themselves. explicit permission. Some couples allow each other to date around while theyre on a break. Its hard to move on from this when Im stuck with the dog that were both responsible for. Not lied to your boyfriend and strung him along claiming you would eventually, down the line want a dog and fed him bullshit excuses like its not the right time, when in reality you hated dogs all along and never, ever wanted one or had any intentions of getting one. Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he isWhether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried. Really? Ruined my carpet, ruined my $300 patio set and pushed me to limit. If I had a dog at home to deal with on top of my job Id be even more stressed. Its mostly the She hates the dog because she wanted to, and because she wanted to be right part I disagree with, though. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Be careful and speak up! She just isnt happy. Really DOG! *I don't know what it's like with your guy, but J is bad at being sick. Resentment is the most likely outcome of harassing someone to do something. Well, you can tell your boyfriend you dont want the dog, you dont ever want a dog, and, if hes not ok with that, maybe you need to break up. 1. First, kids absolutely roll in poop and pee in the house. He is so self absorbed that he could not tell that the LW does not like dogs ? And I do blame the boyfriend. I said I want to contribute and he said I already contribute, despite the fact I'm only doing half of the housework and childcare and he's paying for everything. Same here. He will for the entirety of your relationship have the upper hand because he knows you feel this way now. I wouldnt want to date one of them because Id never want to live with a dog, but for me at least, I dont see dog people as utterly unreletable. He loves the dog, but it would be really unfair of me to just assume hes my new free dog walker! In some cases, a long-distance relationship can work. LW, this is a deal breaker. Am I close? Even if we break up, he will never be in this situation because he knows where he stands on this, knows hed never be able to compromise, and is willling to admit to himself and any potential partner. I realize its really the owners fault, the dog was just doing its business, but g*d f!ck^ng d%[emailprotected]! This is not ok. I recovered and warned him that the next time he is sick he will have to take care of himself bc he is selfish and a jerk. And your guy is a child. Either he takes it over exclusively or you find the dog a new home or maybe he finds a new girlfriend. You love cat then discuss with your boyfriend and pay for your own cat and all. Hes sad about not having a dog? This video explains some of the ways to make a long-distance relationship work: Now, this doesnt apply to every single break out there. Which I completely understand. All of these arguments can take a serious toll on the quality of the relationship. Your boyfriend can walk the dog in the morning before work, and help you with the other chores in the evenings. All rights reserved. Sign #12: He Doesn't Pay For Anything. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Six months later I loathe owning a dog, just like I knew I would. It is a living, breathing creature that has instincts to follow, and it will follow them to everyones detriment if the humans in its life dont train it and then support that training. My guess is that, like you, he "kind of thought" you two were on the same . Your BF can also walk the dog when he gets home, leaving you only with a couple shorter trips outside to do business. She wanted to make her boyfriend happy, she was scared to lose him, she made a mistake. Taking a break from this relationship was his idea, so it's up to him to get back in touch with you if he wants to talk. Its people who dont like animals at all that Im just likedont you have a heart? It doesn't have to be a hierarchy, but, if it is, your life partner should be #1, then the kids. He was iffy at first but now loves our boy cat so much. I agree LW screwed up by saying yes, or at least by not stipulating that the bf is fully responsible for it. We barely spoke before the wedding but after we married, my husband informed me that he disagreed with all of the beliefs our families upheld and wanted to get away. @ele4phant Yes, exactly. Some things are just chores, maintenance in the service of actual joys. This guide reveals what could be going on in his head. Did he realize this wouldnt really be practical? This is such an irritating attitude because really, who gives a shit? Why should she spend it on a dog she didnt want on the first place? But, shes not a bad person or whiny for not enjoying dogs and not wanting to take care of one. And why couldnt you say Im not a dog person? I think that we can all agree that people who hate dogs are objectively bad people and probably criminals. A human being is way different than a dog. He might consider this a chance to see other girls. But to get him to do this, youre going to have to actually stand up for yourself. 1. Honestly, this tool is the only way youll truly know what your boyfriend was doing before this break and without this information, its hard to give accurate advice on how to proceed. You are not important. Once I completed my education he said if I wanted to do a degree he would support me. Then, he can adjust to his new city and you dont have to deal with a long distance relationship. He has no idea if you dont communicate well. And he needs to take care of his dog ? i sat my boyfriend down and warned him that if HE were not to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY of HIS DOG i would report him for animal negligence. Some people would rather be single and have the freedom to do whatever they want. I . You dont have to accept something that doesnt work for you even if its being done for you/to you with the best of intentions. I see you called it a basic value, too. Ha! If he isnt willing to do that he doesnt love the dog as much as he loves the idea of having a dog. That he doesnt see that all on his own makes me think he is more of a spoiled child than anything else. I was going to say and the relationship harm it causes, but I dont think they perceive that as harm. Comparison of a dog to a child is mental. For more information, please see our If he doesn't talk openly with you, then it's a sign that he most likely doesn't feel the way that you want him to feel about being in a relationship with you. It is his lack of consideration in sticking the LW with the dog and its care. Wise1. ?wants to take care of me???? He needs to step up and stop relying on you. I think where LW is going wrong is feeling like the dog needs to give her joy in order to be worth it. It's the one time I know, without a doubt, that he needs me. My concern is that he's spent so long taking care of me, and now I'm in a position to repay him for that love and kindness, but he's worried I'll think of it as me owing him and we'll end up back in the roles we fought so hard to escape from. It's Not "Her And I", It's "We" This one is soooo cute. A guy who actually loves you will do whatever he can to keep you happy by his side. He has a dog that you take care of. It doesnt mean that hes looking for a good time. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! He shouldnt be the father to her children. Let's settle this once and for all. I will always have dogs they are my favorite pet. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. If youre going to the same college, this shouldnt be an issue. He might not feel comfortable talking about the problem. Instead, take the times to build bond with his dog while you feed/walk and (play, teach the dog tricks, belly rub etc) when you take a break. You are not responsible for your BFs happiness. We all make mistakes. Dogs are just all gross, no upside for me. In that case the dog deserves a much better home. Your Partner Gaslights You Gaslight is a 1944 mystery movie starring Ingrid Bergman as a newlywed. Signs he doesn't care. Thats enough for us. You should not have to get a pet, knowing you dont want one, simply to make your partner happy ESPECIALLY if youre going to be stuck shouldering most of the care-giving responsibilities. He is attracted to you The reason why he told you to take care could be that he is attracted to you. He is not shy. The boyfriend manipulated her and itll just keep happening. How many people have you slept with in your life?? If the BF wants a dog, he should take care of it and pay for it fully. She hates the dog because she wanted to, and because she wanted to be right. One of the signs he cares more than he says is by treating you like a partner, not just a crush. This is how I found him last Wednesday night when I came home from work. He wants to make sure you arent getting hurt because of the things that are happening to him at this moment. Im cordial to him at work, of course, but someone with that view would never, ever work romantically with me and it would be difficult for me to be friends with him. Hopefully, he would have brought this up before asking to take a break. He doesn't have to wait for you to call or text first. Might not apply to you. Sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that he was the one who wanted a dog and he should be the one who owns the dog and he should be the one who cares for the dog and pays for the dog and if he cant or wont do that then he shouldnt have a dog. He might just be leaving before attempting to fix it. Your strong, independent nature is not going to scare him off. It sounds like they talked about it, he wanted one forever, she finally relented and agreed to get a dog, and now shes splitting 50% of the work and hates it and has buyers remorse. Does it have to be a joyous, wonderful experience to own a dog for you? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Privacy Policy. Calling her a bitch is uncalled for. Do you mean you dont have friends who arent dog people ? And Id be even angrier if it affected my day to day life more than his. Thats the only part in the story that manipulative. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. You and your boyfriend can decide what to do here. He thinks they got a dog together. Some men are selfish creatures. Heck, sometimes walking my much-beloved dog doesnt give me joy either. There are parties to go to. So what can you do about it now? Love my kids and will never get a dog. They are both ignoring the incompatibility. Do you want to spend your life with a spoiled, manipulative brat who cant handle not getting everything he wants? I am living proof! Not everything in life has to give you joy. Do You Take Care of Your Boyfriend When He's Sick? Being around him is never fun. - Quora Something went wrong. Need help with your relationship? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This is a good time for the two of you to discuss boundaries and come up with a plan. It seems she said no a lot and fought against this for a long time, before caving to her fear that he would end their relationship. Exactly, its probably not even in the dogs best interest to stay. Poor J. Only good dogs are the ones used for the blind and epilepsy. I want to leave him but my family is against it. I just wanted to say that this made me laugh. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. Thats her only job and shes a million times over worth the investment. I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting.
Redis Cluster Docker Swarm, Ofccp Compliance Job Posting Requirements, How Did King Edgar The Peaceful Die, Delval Women's Soccer Roster, Articles B